Yesterday the list of the 2018-2019 NU cheerleading team came out and it feels so weird to see my name not on that list for the first time in four years. Since sophomore year of high school I have been a cheerleader. Heck even in 8th and 12th grade I was voted “Most Spirited” because I love being peppy and obnoxious and loud and everything else in between. For 7 years now I have called myself a cheerleader, yet the funny part is that I never thought in like a bajillion years I would continue on past the 3 year mark and be a college cheerleader. I remember going through the tryout process senior year of high school (I sent in a video because I didn’t think it would be super feasible to fly to Chicago for the day & approximately 4 people have seen the video because it is such a tragedy. There’s even a part where it says *tumbling* and I do a cartwheel and then it phases directly into *scorpion* and it is just a photo of me doing a scorpion SOS). I got a Facebook post on Monday in my first period econ class and I remember looking at the wallpost that said “Congrats Leigh!” and I think I lost myself. This could not possibly be true!!! And if I didn’t think it as true it was reinforced anyway because the rest of my grade didn’t think it was true either LOL (actually apparently there were rumors going around that I was lying!!!! Ha ha well jokes on you now JC haterz!!!!!)
Freshman year of college rolled around and I’d introduce myself as Leigh the cheerleader, sophomore year it still consumed my life, and junior year it took a lil’ backseat, but being a fan girl of NU sports was still a huge part of my life. Senior year I came back to my roots and began to love it all the same once again. I’ve always been “that cheerleader girl.”
Because of Northwestern cheer, I actually learned about football, my now favorite sport (in high school I was only a basketball cheerleader!!!- my school was cheer state champs but the cheer team I was on would accept anyone with a pulse). I literally became obsessed with the team and started rewatching games right after they happened for replays and would geek out over new graphics and pump up videos we released. I got super-de-duper close with Willie the Wildcat!! And met all my best friends!!
So it’s hard not to think what I am now?? First of all I’m going to have to change my Instagram bio and I don’t even know what I can put there that is fun about me. Can I post pics cheering or do they always have to be sad throwback pics?? When I talk about my days cheerleading do I sound like I’m living in the past?!!! Can I come back to Homecoming and still be loved on the sidelines??? Can I ever even live out the cinematic dream of cheerleader marrying a football player **cough cough Amber and Josh**!!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s where I gotta think about what makes Leigh a cheerleader, and not how being a cheerleading makes Leigh Being a cheerleader has been so easy to identify as, but it doesn’t mean I’m totally losing my identity because I’m losing my cheerleader title. A quick Google search gives me a reminder of “qualities of a cheerleader”: hardworking, positive, committed, patient, persistent, and confident. But also gotta add peppy and fun and energetic and smiley and loving!!! I have gained so much experience from the team I can carry on forever- I mean have you even seen the bullets on my resume!! Great at leading!! Balancing work with sports!! Networking with alumni!! Engaging fans!! Screaming lots!! & most importantly T-shirt tosses!!!!!!! But here’s where the reframe comes in. I’m not leaving cheerleading. I’m building off my experiences and transitioning into a new part of life!!
So I know some people when they leave the team feel like they have lost a part of themselves, but as of right now I feel like I am still the same Leigh.. but I am just moving on to a new part of my “adult” life (quotes because I am 21 and that means I am a certified adult!!!!!!). Maybe that’s a coping mechanism!!! Because no one really wants to leave that part of life behind but there’s a reason college is only 4 years and there’s places to move ahead in life. Then the memories are more fun and enjoyable and warming. CHEESY QUOTE AHEAD: “this isn’t the end it is only the beginning!!!!” (Also yo still have a chance to be a NFL cheerleader (;(; and get paid a whole $100 per game!!!!!!!!)
Long story short I might not be a cheerleader anymore but I’m still lively outgoing fun excitable wild Leigh. Still me!! Despite the end of the best 4 years of my life. Go ‘Cats 4ever <3
Every day last year I would wake up and put on my clothes for the gym. I would check the refrigerator for the 7th time to make sure I had all five meals packaged and ready to go for the day (of course after I had weighed and re-weighed each and every meal). For those of you who don’t know much about the bodybuilding world, there are some days where you eat high carb or low carb, high fat, etc., and I was cycling on a high/low fat type of plan in May 2017. Well one day during one of my afternoon meals I picked up a container without checking my day’s plan and it hit me that I was eating a high fat meal instead of the low fat that was plpanned. I was sent in immediate PANIC mode and fired off 4 texts to my coach “OHMYGOD JAKE I just ate my high fat meal.” “It’s Tuesday and I know my show s only 2 weeks away but I just messed up.” “Oh my gosh what do I do I just ate half of it.” “Do I just keep eating or do I stop and eat half the low fat meal or replace the next day’s meals or what do I do I am freaking out!!!!!!!!”
Now, to any sane human, this lil’ blunder is easily manageable and easily understandable. Yet, to my perfectionist mind, I had ruined any semblance I had to winning any show title in the future. I then went on to nationals a month later after taking home trophies at two shows before. Or the one time in my first prep that I couldn’t make it to the gym one day out of the 25 week prep and cried for hours and hours and hours. I then went on to win the Overall Championship title at my first show.
I am such a perfectionist. I see everything in black and white. I tell myself that if I am not perfect, then I am a failure. What kind of way is that to see the world? I focus on “balance,” but then I roast myself for not even doing that perfect enough.
Here’s where the cheesy line your mom told you all your life growing up comes in: “nobody is perfect” (JK it was Hannah Montana). But in all honesty, it is true. We can strive for perfection, but it is unattainable. Instead, we must strive for excellence and see the best that we can produce and allow to grow.
Progress is never linear. I have more often than not found it to be so difficult to easily accept myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and all spaces in between. My body isn’t fit enough. My eating isn’t healthy enough. My lifting isn’t frequent enough. My cardio isn’t hard enough. My grades aren’t high enough. My hangouts aren’t fun enough. You’re so stupid for not working this morning. Silly for not going to Bar Louie Wednesday last week. Dumb for missing that one homework question. WHUT. This is all black and white. There is no way to have the perfect version of any of those things, and no reason that I need to tear myself down for any of them. For goodness sake I didn’t think I was the perfect version of any of those things when the world probably thought I was. When I was a twig and gymming nonstop and hungry and tired and mean. I was never the perfect Leigh. And I will never be the perfect Leigh. I can only be #SimplyMe (you totally knew that was coming you had to it was so set up for it!!!!!!!!!!).
We need to lie within the gray area. Understand you can never measure to the exact gram or allow a schedule to run to-the-minute every single day. Sometimes there is traffic or a friend is late or you lost a shoe or there’s construction on Sheridan Road!!!!! You can still be the person you want to be without hitting every single nail right on the head.
My body is fit enough to cheer and dance and run and have a good time. My eating is healthy for a spunky mind and body. My lifting is frequent enough for someone who prioritizes life. My cardio is hard enough to get my heart rate going. My grades are high enough to get a job and make the dean’s list consistently. My hangouts are fun enough to make me laugh and forget about all the hard obligations I have for a minute. There’s no fun police out there saying I hung out wrong. Or worked out incorrectly. Who says what is right and wrong? Who sets the standards? It’s me! And for you it’s you!! It’s all arbitrary. There’s no need to say that by making any sort of progress in reframing thoughts and moving forward in life that I am doing any of it wrong. There’s no way that I can be Leigh incorrectly. There’s no direct path to being yourself.
No didn’t get to go to the gym 6 days this week like my brain tells me I must to be a “fit girl,” but I did get to go 3 times while running tech week for the school’s Burlesque show I was in. That doesn’t mean I blew all progress and might as well have not gone to the gym at all this week. That’s like someone stealing $10 out of your wallet so you toss out the rest of the money in there!!!!! Black and white!
I still won that show despite missing a gym sesh. I still competed thought I ate a little off plan. I still can be an awesome individual despite not being perfect. I deserve to honor myself and be kind for the ups and downs that life brings.
I know today’s post was much more somber and less light-hearted than normal, but after significant ups and downs lately, I see how it is nice to buckle down once and a while and understand that these thoughts I have are real and helpful and should be taken seriously. I don’t have to always be fun and light hearted, I just need to speak my mind. Promote the gray.
This past quarter I had been feeling all types of down. I might have conveyed it on social media a bit, but if you know me in person you definitely know how real it was. I found residence on my couch in my living room where I'd lay in my gray sweatpants (hecka comfy OK) with my Northwestern blanket draped over me, computer in lap, scrolling through either Facebook on the computer, Instagram on my phone, or both simultaneously (being up to date with social media is important ya?????) I'd leave this position to go to classes or the gym which felt like times few and far between. I frequently hit the pantry!!!!!! Hello girl scout cookies!!!!!!!!!!! And I think the worst part of it all was that I fake tanned maybe 4 times the whole quarter. ONLY FOUR. THAT IS NOT A LEIGH I KNOW.
So this quarter kicked off last Tuesday, and surprisingly I am not enrolled in any classes. Holddd upp whut ya I know now I have to technically say I am a graduate from Northwestern. I finsihed all my classes last quarter but TBH being irrelevant?...that ain’t gonna hold for me just yet. I don’t walk across the stage and cry and hug my parents until late June, so you can catch me in Evanston until then. But with that, I’ve definitely realized that I should find something to do with this time. And honestly I feel even happier busier and more important than last quarter already.
I think the first thing I did was just picked myself right up. I looked in the mirror and said, “Leigh. Life just isn’t one big pity party.” So with inspiration from Queer Eye during a hardcore watch sesh finals week (in which I had no finals so LOL), I did some little things that made HUGE changes in life. I started doing my makeup every morning. Fake tanning minimum once a week (the biggest improvement of all TBH). Made a cleaning schedule for doing laundry and like cleaning my toilet (that would be Thursdays & Wednesdays, respectively, if you were wondering). I started scheduling actual times to hang out with friends, including seeing shows in the city, going to art studios, and movie nights. Spa days!!!! Sushi dates!!!! Hang out just for swiping on dating apps!!!!! All important. I remembered and started working on activities I love i.e. crafting because I will never not be #srat and started bejeweling everything in sight. I threw myself into Burlesque (and ya the show is this weekend if you haven’t heard me scream it from the roof tops!!!!) and worked on choreo and coordinating and just loving my group. I started a new program to improve my health. & I started doing cardio again!!!!! (OK only ten minutes a day granted but it’s been like for a month so that’s a pretty insane accomplishment if you ask me).
I really just went back to the core of me. I don’t know if it was set off by SAD (seasonal affective disorder OK it is REAL in the Midwest y’all like this snow is a big N-O from yuh girl, i.e. fake tans are essential here), but I know that I felt super lost. I wasn’t honing in on my classes because senioritis had truly kicked in and I already just felt done with school. My friends weren’t going out as much- or really ever for that matter considering we’d go dancing at least twice a week fall quarter and 0 in the winter- and so we found ourselves snowed in nightly. For the better part of the quarter I didn’t have a job, or was getting rejected by jobs LOL. Looking back I can see that I totally lost a sense of purpose, and I wasn’t really doing much to help myself, either. I let myself wallow which led to this huge cyclical pity party of ew my life is the worst rn so let me be sad so I’d be sad and eat like this one time I ate a whole gallon of cookie dough ice cream watching the bachelor because it was just like emotions yanno because like Arie is the worst but also I didn’t get a job I was pulling hard for but then also chocolate is good- it was a whole thing. Then I’d be sad for being sad so I’d be like my life is gross and then look where we were again.
What I’m trying to say was I really had to be my own kick in the pants. It was when Tan started making everyone over and Antoni started giving this motivational speech about avocado and grapefruit (another Queer Eye life-changing moment) I was like dang I need to make my bed and present the Leigh I want the world to see. If I create a purpose for myself and create a space for myself than there’s no denying that I am freaking amazing and purposeful and driven and smart and cute!!!!!!!! I created a space for myself to thrive by pushing forth the Leigh I wanted to see. How this applies to the universe or you reading this right now is Why? Why are you doing what you’re doing? Why is it helping you be the you you want to be? Why are you or are you not moving forward? For too long I kept asking myself why not or why do they say or what do they think or how do they etc etc etc. Now I’m not saying I don’t ask those things anymore at all, but they def ain’t at the forefront of my mind rn.
I can’t stop crafting up a storm (so if you’d like a bejeweled canvas with mickey mouse on it or sorority letters HMU) because it's reminding my why. I’m going out with friends daily because it is reminding me why. Dinners. Shows. Nights in watching Netflix by myself. It all (well, most of it) contributes to my why. Being the Leigh I want the world to see (which is arguably in juxtaposition of the Leigh I think the world wants to see..but to each their own). Leigh, the fun, chatty, outgoing, lively gal I know is why I want to be here. Why I want to occupy my space. Why I want to craft and make friends and be fun and silly and my favorite version of annoying!!!!!!!! She's kinda cool. She likes friendship and gym and cookies and and health. So I'm gonna be that gal. The world deserves to see that gal. And if that means it includes a face full of makeup with an orange hue, so be it.
Now I’m going back to watching the People v OJ Simpson on Netflix and accidentally gluing diamonds to my thumb. That only echoes the glittery, bubbly, entertaining, and sratty girl I love.
Things don’t always go as planned. Example A: this weekend. Currently I’m sitting in a Wisconsin hotel room bed eating free cookies from the lobby and watching Law & Order: SVU. Arguably a pretty litty night but not what I was expecting to be doing this weekend. I should be gallivanting around South Dakota at the Badlands and Mount Rushmore!!!!
So it goes (do you get the reference ha ha #gocats), papa Healey flew in from the ATL on Friday and met me in CHI so we could take the most ultimate road trip of all time. We embarked on a 14-hour drive to the middle of nowhere. We stopped in the Wisconsin Dells to get some dindin at Subway, because team #SubwaySalad, and then ended up in Austin, Minnesota to sleep for the night. With a 6 AM wake up, we got on the road again, and around 7 AM I woke up in the backseat (bc I am a primadonna who needs her beauty sleep!!) and was like what the heck is going on with your driving dad?!?!? Not until about 15 minutes after that did I actually get up and look out the window to see- absolutely nothing. Literally nothing. Everything was white. There was no road. No sky. Just white. The car was bumpin’ everywhere and to say I was terrified was an understatement. I was like OMG we’re gonna be stranded and lost forever. We pulled off to get gas and my dad kept saying we should push onward to get out of the snow. I was like dad OK but we’re not gonna stop for brunch like we planned bc we can’t let one more inch of snow get under these tires!!!!!
BUT whaddya know but 10 minutes later there were literally government people on the road making us get off because it was so terrible. We went to a Subway (for the second time in 12 hours because typical) and chatted with the nice locals who told us essentially our trip was toast. So, after my first-ever Subway breakfast (which was DELICIOUS), papa Healey many a times lamenting over the lost trip, and then a whole business lesson about taxes and being a business owner (because papa Healey is a TALKER where do you think I get it from), we hopped in the car to turn around and make a new trip happen. Pops decided we could make a weekend in the Dells and do lame family things like we used to in Pidgeon Forge and the Smokey Mountains- for all y’all in the south those were the true family vaycay MVPs. SO we turned around and drove 30 MPH on the STILL SNOW-COVERED HIGHWAY all the way back to good ole Wisco- also don’t forget the 4 tries it took to get out of the gas station/Subway parking lot!!!!!!! (the whirring sliding noise my Jeep makes when it can’t get a grip low-key gives me PTSD from winter quarter in Evanston) *insert a general comment here about how I need to get the heck out of the Midwest!!!!!!!* SOS!!!!
So we pull up in the Dells and although it’s not what we planned it’s so chill and so fun- typical “LeeBee & Daddyo” shenanigans. Saturday night we saw a magic show and I won some swag, and I showed my dad the first episode of Queer Eye because the dude featured in that one srsly reminds me of him and I feel like he should be on the show cause I really need him to get like a mani pedi and figure out how to cook/fashion himself up!!!!!!! Sunday we woke up and did the traditional IHOP Sunday brunch, followed by ballin’ out in an indoor amusement park here- bowlin’, mini golfin’, gamin’. I went so hard I broke a nail!! Tragedy. But I cashed in my tickets to get airheads and a magic 8 ball so who’s the real winner here??? Then we went to a casino to play bingo and one slot machine (yes, seriously, because real gambling makes no sense to me like it is 0 fun), and saw the new Tomb Raider movie!!!!!
TL;DR: I’m in the Dells and I should be in Mt. Rushmore, but I’m still super de-duper happy and wouldn’t trade this experience for the world!!!!!!!!
Here’s all the positives that have come from this experience: I get to see a place I have never seen before. I get to spend time with my favorite dad in the universe. I get to learn how to drive in scary conditions (LOL). I get to win prizes!! I get to go to Subway as many times as I want!!!!!! I get free lobby cookies!! Cable TV!!!!!!!!!! I get WiFi to post this blog!!! There’s so many things I get from this trip that I couldn’t have gotten otherwise. Honestly, the number one reason for having this trip was to spend time the main man papa Healey, and I am doing just that. My first reaction was to be upset to turn back around. Like we had already spent so many hours driving west. My dad flew all the way out and now we are changing plans. We lost so much sleep. Anything else wouldn’t compare!! But take one second to reframe it all and you realize there’s no point in making all these negatives you could turn in to positives.
I’ve found that the more I ‘Negative Nelly’ around, I feel more upset, more disappointed, and more mad/sad/bad!!! It’s like a more in-depth reasoning and understanding of “turn that frown upside down.” Looking at things in a good or better or more positive light makes all the difference in the world. If I kept thinking about how our trip had been “ruined,” I would have had a terrible time this weekend and been mopey and gross, but instead I got to goof around with my dad, lose to him terribly in bowling, and lose a whole 5 of his dollas in 30 seconds on a slot machine. Remembering what was most important, daddy-daughter time, made this weekend special and will create memories for a lifetime. Also it makes a much more interesting story, and will make us going to Mt. Rushmore later that much more worth it!!!!!! I get all these fun gems I never even expected to experience, and could never had experienced with a negative ‘tude.
So now we head back to Chicago and continue to be happy and fun-loving and goof off as we always do- send prayers as I attempt to convince pops to go to my eyebrow lady in Evanston today (my not-so-subtle attempt at being a part of Queer Eye’s Fab 5)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello yes you read the title right. I accepted a role for post-graduation...in the Disney College Program!! I am pretty stoked considering working for Disney has been a far-fetched dream of mine and I can see a pretty awesome future ahead past the program. I knew that going into the job search for post-grad opportunities, I had a few non-negotiables: 1. It must be in a place that isn't Chicago or have any sort of seasons really 2. Not a traditional desk job 3. Be some type of new-grad program.
I feel like the DCP totally fits the bill. I accepted my roll and will begin on August 13, 2018. I even made my first post in the Facebook group today. It looked like this (I am only sharing this because I think you will get a laugh out of it):
Hey y’all! I’m Leigh! I am graduating this Spring and am super excited to not have to go to a desk job post-grad hehe. Most important things to know about me: I am a college cheerleader, am v srat, am obsessed with all things Bachelor, gravitate towards elevated surfaces, and love to get in on the hot goss.
You can find me @guacamo_leigh on almost everything (:
-Relationship status: Single
-Birthday (age): June 3, 1996 (I’ll be 22 during the program)
-Hometown: Johns Creek, GA
-School: Northwestern University
-Major: Learning & Organizational Change/Business Institutions/Marketing Communications
-Siblings: Only Child
-WDW or DLR? WDW
-Flying or driving? Driving
-Program: Fall 2018
-Arrival date: 8/13
-Wellness or non-wellness? Non-wellness
-Ideal number of roommates: 4
-Preferred housing complex: I need to do more research eep
-Do you party? Yes!!!! I love to dance
-Do you smoke? No
-Do you drink? Not reallyyyy
-Can you cook? Yes!!
-Do you snore? No
-What does your room normally look like? I don’t like to make my bed everyday if that says anything
-Hot or cold?: On the warmer side; def not chilly chilly
-Go out or stay in?: I can succumb to peer pressure (:
-What do you do on days off? I like to hang out with people and go to the gym and post my life on social media
-Do you workout? I love to lift on the reg; low-key a bro but don’t tell anyone I called myself that
-Three words that describe you: Outgoing, Spunky,
-One positive quality: I’m an open book/queen of TMI
-One negative quality: I have a pretty dominant personality
-Do you like hanging out with people or keeping to yourself?: 1000% an extrovert
-What do you want in a roommate?: Someone who is down for hot goss seshes, likes their own lil bit of quiet time, and will drop it to Migos with me
-Biggest dislike?: secrets lol
-Messy or organized: a little bit of both- not like a neat freak more like normal college kid hahaha
-How do you feel about sharing?: just as long as there’s open communication all is gucci
-Do you like having people over frequently?: I love when friends come over versus me going to theirs so yes (:
-Favorite TV shows: The Bachelor
-Favorite movie: Mean Girls
-Favorite food: Ice cream
-Favorite candy: Reese’s
-Favorite drink: Coke Zero
-Favorite color: Pink
-Favorite music: Rap/Top 40; really anything you would hear in a club
-Favorite books: I’ve been super into Bachelor franchise tell-alls and religious cult exposés lol
-Favorite character: Ariel
-Favorite movie: Moana or Coco
-Favorite soundtrack: Disneymania 4, the ultimate TBT
-Favorite show: The Suite Life of Zach and Cody for obvious reasons
-Favorite park: Magic Kingdom
-Favorite Ride: The Haunted Mansion
-Favorite Disney Channel Movie: HSM also for obvious reasons
-Character you most identify with: I am one hundo p Tinker Bell
-Which park(s) have you been to? All (:
**pics attached below
This feels like I am starting freshman year all over again but this time I promised myself I wouldn't be the girl that everyone already knows by my aggressive commenting (senior year now I get the "hey are you @guacamo_leigh???" But freshman year it was all "hey are you Leigh the cheerleader from Facebook????") #NeverAgain.
I can't wait to not totally leave college life and ease my way into what the old people in my life call "real-life."
With all of that embarrassing stuff above said and also the whole deal with getting a job, I realized that there was just so much going on this year about job hunting that was all so silly looking back now. I knew exactly what I wanted but I kept trying to convince myself otherwise. I even flew out to Miami for a superday to do an interview process that completely terrified me (ask me about the process and interview Qs lol). After I didn't get the job (which honestly was a blessing in disguise), I sad-ate tubs of ice cream and applied to every job I saw on LinkedIn. Before that day though, I had already applied to handfuls of companies I knew I'd never work for, and stressed over countless interviews that led to let downs after multiple rounds. One positive that came out of it though was that I finally learned my times tables since I never actually learned all of them!!!!! (I blame Mrs. Keller who gave me an extra 60 seconds to do the 6s and 7s worksheet!!!!!!!!!)- I was scared I'd get asked to do 39x39 in my head after seeing that question on a Glassdoor review ha ha. Rejection after rejection, I would call papa Healey and ask him for advice. Time and time again he would say the same thing: "A job is a job no matter when you get it." Which is TRUE. Despite me stressing since October 2017 about finding a job once all my econ friends (AKA all of NU) got jobs as consultants and investment bankers, I still got essentially my dream job post-grad that will lead to such bright opportunities as I move forward. After the Miami debacle and a few more times of him drilling this in my head, I finally started listening. I kept on applying and interviewing, but now kept my non-negotiables top-of-mind. I reminded myself what I wanted in a job. I told myself it wasn't about the money immediately, because I could have room for growth in the future. It wasn't about what other people wanted or what they thought was reputable, but it was me and my wants that was most important. Because of this reminder, I one time even cancelled a third-round interview because the job was in Chicago and I knew I wouldn't be happy even if I got the job.
Throughout this time, I utilized the Northwestern Careers office with my main girl Taylor in the Kapnick Business center. I'd forward her any email I got with job opportunities, and went to see her practically once a week about job struggles. I met with other counselors too in the beginning of the quarter who helped me realize that entertainment was the #1 industry for me, not fitness or food like I once thought. They also helped me when I thought I wanted to be a production assistant for the Bachelor and guided me in a new direction- thankfully.
I used these resources to conduct informational interviews- I'd contact NU alumni through the LinkedIn page (and even splurged $30 LinkedIn premium lol) and spoke to people who worked for Hulu, The Bachelor, ABC, FOX, DIsney, E!, and NBC. I'd have about one interview a week. They told me the things I didn't want to hear, and things that were super encouraging. Like: you probably won't get your most favorite job post-grad, you will get rejected a lot, you will have to settle in some areas and not in others, you have to fit in with a company culturally to be happy, yadda yadda. They also told me if I wanted to work in LA I'd have to move there first and then find a job. How fun does that sound!!!!!!!! SOS. Remembering the things they told me, though, makes me excited and confident that I am doing the right things by enrolling in the Disney College Program to end up where I want to be down my career road: Entertainment Marketing,
I am so excited for what the future holds, and look forward to continuing on the uncertain journey. Wowowow that was cheesy but you know I feel like I can always look back and laugh at how stressed I was about something that completely and totally played out on its own. Like just 3 weeks ago I was like "what da HECK why am I not employed I have NO plan I am a lost soul on my way to NOwHeRe" but now I'm like "a dream is a wish ur heart makes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hope if anything this gives someone a little hope that it all works out as long as you remain persistent, dedicated, and true to your desires and needs. After some bumps, I knew I had to be somewhere warm 24/7 and in a company focused on entertainment. I knew I had to go somewhere that could lead to a successful marketing career. I knew I had to be with fun-loving people like me. I had to keep my needs at my core, and my desires as icing on top. It all panned out and I couldn't be more excited with a serious swirl of nervousness in there. To sum all the advice parts up here- as the first meme of all time said: Keep Calm & Carry On. Your path with guide you to where you belong and you can look back and laugh at the journey it took you to get there.
If you couldn’t tell by how high maintenance I am, I’m an only child. It comes with its pros and cons.
PROS: Spoiled (but not rotten), Daddy’s ONLY little girl, I can make myself laugh (also because I am hilarious), No one to share Scooby snax with
CONS: Always third wheeling your parents, Family dinners are just parents talking about taxes, No one to share Scooby snax with
Buttt somehow I still get to call myself an auntie??? How is this possible if there is no one to steal your Scooby snax???? Well this weekend I drove a total of 14 hours by my lonesome (which I’m still so proud of myself for OK like I only took one break each drive!!!!!!) to Missouri to see my niece Violet Rose!!!!!!
OK so like who is she where did she come from she is not a sibling’s child so like?? The break down is: I have never really had a close family. People always talk about visiting their cousins and aunts and grandparents and I have never grown up like that. When I was a wee lil’ Leigh, we moved away from New Jersey where I was born. Essentially my whole family lived there (my parents were both born and raised in Harrison, NJ) and we moved to Florida (where I developed my extreme love for Ariel, wrapping my lower half in a blanket and flapping around to be a mermaid in front of both the TV and our backyard pool, my passion for figure skating to escape the humid heat, and had my first male suitor AKA I was aggressively obsessed with a boy who thought I was OK sometimes **see below**).
This weekend made me happier than anything else I could have done this weekend. Or really ever. Because of the size of my family and how I’ve been raised to think of family, I always seem to forget just how awesome the whole concept is. You have these people who are always there for you no matter what at the drop of a hat. They love you, care for you, and want the best for you. And ask for nothing in return (except that you, like, give them the same family love in return, except you don’t even really ask for it because it is just really assumed). I feel so lucky that I have get to have Justin and Amanda and Violet in my family, and that I have the amazing opportunity to have Violet in my life and shower her with love (including the tiny little Northwestern cheerleading uniforms because I seriously couldn’t have a baby in my life without them wearing that mini uni you see at tailgates) (catch her during tailgating szn).
I even said to Justin and Amanda like do you realize how crazy family is???? Like you get to know someone from birth and forever on?? Like Justin got to do the exact same thing with me- he held me right after I was born and now he hangs out with me as a 21-year-old. & I'm going to chill with Violet when she's 21, too!!! Even those she is the size of a negative pinky finger right now!!!!! Insanity!!!!!! This weekend I realized the stories family can tell, everything they are there for and can be there for, and everything they want to do for and with you. I realized you can give back to them, too, and I need to stop forgetting how truly awesome the whole thing is until it smacks me in the face.
This post was more so me being like “hey world look at this cute little human whose life I get to be a part of!!!!” and a smattering of “OMG family is cool we should remember that!!” I hope you remember how cool your fam is too (yes, dad jokes included), and maybe shoot a text or two to those you haven’t spoken to in a while!! From now on I want to make a point to keep my family close in my life, and continue to scout for cute boutique baby clothes because Violet really needs to be spoiled (but not rotten).
It’s been a bittersweet week that honestly has been a lot more sweet than bitter- but that might just be the fact that nothing has truly sunk in yet and approximately 0 tears were shed.
This past Thursday I cheered my last game as a collegiate cheerleader. I still have the banquet to attend and tryouts to see and events to attend but I’m done with the tailgating and the schmoozing and the go ‘cats go-ing which is odd to type out on to this page because, like, no.
This Tuesday I flew out with the basketball team to NYC to cheer the 'Cats on in the men’s Big Ten Tournament. Last year when we went to the Pinstripe bowl I felt like I totally didn’t make the most of it or have any semblance of a plan going in to it, so this time I was GOING to be ready. I aggressively called Papa Healey to help me coordinate all my top spots and figure out where I needed to go and when. It came down to this:
With my friends in tow, we made a whole day of exploring which was actually beyond fun. It was a gorgeous day, first of all. We also finally got to be insta-worthy and go to DO café which TBH was not worth all the internet hype, but Leavain Bakery definitely was (AKA the one place I have been raving about for practically years and it did NOT disappoint OK still drooling). We attempted to break into a puppy party in the NYU student center but it was only for kids going on birthright?? And also met a nice freshman who asked to take our headshots (which I immediately asked if after we could “get them for the ‘gram” and she really pulled through). I bargained in Chinatown and saved a whole 2 dolla on a really cute bedazzled hat, and we walked through Central Park and I felt like I was a cast member of Sex & the CIty (I really feel like I resonate with Samantha Jones- Y/N?) We even ate dinner next to a mystery couple that had a v unfortunate real-life ghosting??? Where the woman legit just disappeared and the guy waited there for like 30 minutes??? We were so broken up for him but also still curious to know where the woman went.
The following day we had the game and Madison Square Garden is straight up a beauuutiful arena. The ceiling is what really got me. It has all these fun twirls that reminded me of the Big Ten logo and also their jumbotron has this neat thing where you can see inside of it?? I have no clue how to describe it so you can really picture it, but you could see from more than just 4 sides!!
As the game entered the last minute it kind of started to sink in that this would be my last game, but it didn’t really hit me. I wanted to win because obviously after having a crazy experience at March Madness last year I thought it would be cool to have that feeling again..but I also remember during that time being super hungry and all I wanted was one of the free hotel lobby cookies that were as big as your face and I yelled at my friends a lot. I wanted to cry a the buzzer rang out but I was like nah can't do it!!!! I felt conflicted on my way to the tournament honestly the previous weekend if I should attend or not (like there was even an option LOL) but I’m so glad I was chosen to be there. I got to cheer one last game with my favorite teammates and be with my best friends and according to one of my teammates I “looked the best I have ever looked at a game” if that says anything (I can’t decide if that is a great way to end the season or straight up tragic that I finally pulled through by the end haaa). After that, I made super short-notice plans with one of my best friends from camp to get froyo and that did not disappoint. You know when you see someone you haven’t seen in eons and you are just so overcome with joy you can’t stop smiling or hugging? That was me with Josh (AKA my “big brudduh”).
We were supposed to leave the following day, but due to the nor’easter (which is like this crazy hail/wind/rain storm for anyone not from the east coast) we got to stay until Saturday! So I started off by keeping a deal with a teammate to eat cake for breakfast, and then headed out into the torrential downpour and assault of hail to my face just to buy some cheesy New York memorabilia and a stop in M&M World. But being the fun-loving people we are, last-minute were like we NEED to see a Broadway show, and bought tix to see Phantom of the Opera. Which was LIT. I love musicals- they reminds me of my days at Interlochen.
So overall, it was a pretty amazing week. Besides that time Keeley and I went to take a picture in front of Madison Square Garden and a homeless man decided it would be fun to straight up chase us down the street- like legit running- in broad daylight. I never in a bajillion years thought that would ever be real!! Ha ha! But like I didn’t go to one session of classes, I got to explore all of NYC with my best friends, and I didn’t really think much about exercising or food or anything of the sort. TBH I was only thinking about "what if" I wasn't going on the trip (as I referenced before^^) because I don’t love how my body feels in the cheer uniform, but that didn’t even bother me at all. It was all worth it.
So now it is back to regular student life minus the whole cheering thing. I have actually no idea how to occupy my time now besides the fact that I have gotten super into reading if anyone has any good recommendations (currently reading this book about Amish people and it's like so interesting!!!!!.). Time for more gym? Reading? Podcasts? New sports?? More fake tans???? LMK. Lord knows the Bachelor ends this week so my whole life could be in shambles by then. I'll keep you updated (;
Hey y’all. It’s been over 2 months and I totally left you guys hangin’. I’ll start it off by giving you a lil’ recap of the past months and thennnn let me segway into my lame excuse of why I’ve been gone and then give you a big “I’M SORRY”.
So I’m currently pulling up my handy dandy iCal to truly let you know what I have been up to. December, I went home to the JC to be home with my fam. After a week or two of me sitting on my butt and aggressively snapchatting my entire friends list Annie came down and we went to Jamaica. Let me tell you that was a blast and a half (ew IDK why I said that but it was the first thing that came to mind). We made fast friends with the hotel staff (ha ha ha) and it was a huge party from there. I kid you not mama Healey (fondly referred to as Lois) turned into the Mean Girls mom when Annie and I got volunteered by our new friends to enter a poolside dance competition & OK Lois l i t e r a l l y runs to the front of the pool with her phone out yelling “SHAKE IT LADIES” and proceeds to show the video to anyone who would watch for days to come. I posted a fun clip on my Insta story one day because #mems and also I had to give video creds to @dancerlois. This was a fun trip mainly because Annie and I decided to not use our phone to communicate at all- only to post thirst trap pics to Insta or lol- and also decided to cut off our flings/romantic interests/boyz then at the time. Because 1. Girl power 2. Bread crumbing is the WORST 3. If Jamaican men were gonna tell us we were gorgeous every 2 seconds I deserve that anywhere I go amirite???????
Approximately 3 bikini Instagram posts later I’m back home in JC GeoOoOOoorgia to spend the holidays at home participating in our traditions like the Christmas symphony, mother/daughter Eve of Christmas Eve lunch at the Swan Coach House, Christmas Eve Nutcracker, opening one present before midnight, and everything in between. After, I went to the Music City Bowl with the whole cheer team and lemme tell ya that was a fun bowl. Not only did we take home a win, but I got to explore dt Nashville with my friends AND I even got a pair of cowboy boots so my “y’all” comes from a place of authenticity now. Clearly. After that, my dear beebs Nate and Grant paid a visit to the peach state and we did some touristing. Keep in mind I’m using my time home to frequent my boujee (bougie??? MIgos changed the proper spelling so IDK what is what anymore) gym and get my hair redone there of course.
January rolls around and I’m back at school as a part-time student (I’m currently enrolled in a Marketing and Slavic class ha ha) and also took up a job as a part-time nanny which I am actually obsessed with. It looks here though as I’m still scrolling through my iCal that most of my schedule has been taken up by the Bachelor (and of course the Bachelor Winter Games), Golden Globes movie nights with friends, and hot goss seshes with the Vineyard because #priorities. I’ve had some job interviews here and there as well but I’m slowly finding out that in order to live in LA you literally have to go live in LA first so that’s been a fun realization that getting a job where I want to be won’t be that super duper easy. Makes it interesting, right? *smiles nervously* **gets another face piercing again to try to fit in and be trendy*
Next week I am headed to Madison Square Garden with the Men’s Basketball team for the B1G tournament- last week was Senior Night with our last home game in the infamous Rosemont arena soooo Lois & papa Healey came to celebrate. Butttt going to NYC you can say I’m pretty hype just to go to Levain Bakery and finally try one of their cookies. That is all.
So here comes that explanation part I promised:
My last post was all about Re-Branding Leigh. And then right after I posted I ironically freaked out about my brand. I started thinking that if I wasn’t “fitness” all I had become was this girl who used to compete and now just lives off this over-sharing blog where I shared all these thoughts and feelings and struggles that truly no one really cared about and if anything just embarrassed me because it put so much of my personal life out in the open. But if I sit back and think about it, that is kind of ridiculous. Ya, I used to compete, but I am still a fit chick (eh IDK if I like calling myself a bodybuilder anymore but we'll see. I still do BB style training but recently tried doing more Powerlifting stuff with the help of Nate!). I still love to workout and how it makes me feel. I still like going to the gym and having stupid playlists and dancing weird when Lemon by N.E.R.D. comes on. Ya, I have a blog, but it isn’t my only “thing” now. I’m still a cheerleader (but not for long SOS). I still do Burlesque. I’m still Wish #3 of the 3 Wishes at the Vineyard. I’m still a Northwestern student. I am still so many things that I was before and I keep tricking myself into thinking one thing could define me. Ya, I share a lot of thoughts and feelings and struggles, but I know how many people have personally reached out and said that my words mean something to them. And if other people think it is oversharing well you haven’t even met me in-person yet. TMI is like not even my middle name it is probably my first name. I have always been pretty open if people ask the right questions. Ya, I could be scared that other people don’t really care about what I share, but the people who truly matter do. Namely me. Don’t I always say put yourself first blah blah you are number one it’s your opinion of yourself that matters 4get da h8rz???? Ya OK well then listen to your own advice and write your dang blog Leigh who cares if you are nervy people laugh at you cause they’ll do that somewhere else in your life anyway. Life if they're gonna laugh they'll find someway to do it doesn't matter where or when. They're just not nice people then. And ya, some of the things I post feel embarrassing, but it makes me really connect with my emotions and my place with myself and in life. It makes me accept things that had happened and not be able to hide behind them. Even though I wasn’t one hundo happy last quarter, I was definitely much happier than a few weeks ago. It may just be the Chicago snow that takes away the Leigh sunshine (here's those super lame lines again), but I feel like the lack of self-reflection def didn’t do wonders for my self love.
All of that doesn’t really answer the question of ~why~ I left blogging, but I hope this kinda does in a weird not to-the-point kinda way: I was just trying to find answers, but this was a way I found that didn’t work for me. I trying to take a break to find a new way to connect with myself, but felt even more lost along the way. I felt like it would rid myself of something else I was scared of being mocked about, it would rid myself of reminding myself of my flaws, and it would further rid myself of the lone identifier on campus as “that bodybuilder girl.” I thought if I forgot those things I could pave a new path in life, but by forgetting where I came from and neglecting to reflect on where I was, I totally lost direction. Funny because I literally wrote a blog about how it is beneficial to remind myself of my flaws everyday because they are NOT flaws they're really just me!! I forgot my own advice again. It seems to be a lost art on me. Oops. So now I am hoping this rekindled excitement not only gets me back on track but allows me to connect with awesome people like you (i.e. if you are reading this RN you are a true baddie).
I am sorry I totally ghosted y’all like a match on Bumble. Not chill!!!!! I could easily add in an “I’m sorry, but..” BUTTT there’s not place for that here. So I’m sorry. No buts. That is all.
C u guyz next week for another installment of #SimplyMe that I promise won’t take over 2 months to pop outta me. I need to teach myself way too many more lessons to give myself another break like that again.
I haven’t been so great about this whole posting thing the past few Mondays SOS. I did an Instagram post on this but I totally feel like I lost my branding…like I am not the same person I was when I started trying to do the whole fitness social media thing and ramped up this blog. So I haven’t felt like posting because I am like dang Leigh you’re a phony…You’re no fitstagrammer like people say (disclaimer I in no way think I have a fitstagram LOL I am just quoting people!!!! I think I am a very regular person who often posts gym selfies on her Instagram!!!!) I am not fitness!! Like my logo is literally my name and “fitness” ya know? I am not fitness like I was. I don’t work my day around my gym sched anymore but I still like to lift lots ‘n stuff. I am still kinda fitness? People say I’m determined, driven, a go-getter, relatable but I feel questionable about who Leigh really is. Who am I now???? Who was I before?
Well if you think about it, I still am fitness you know because I still consider myself a bodybuilder but it’s more for fun and life than for sport and competition. I lift for friendship you know and like actually converse with people in the gym now instead of staring them down for breathing in my direction LOL.
I’m still determined & driven in school and life. I know I want to make it out in LA and explore the country and get a real-person job (except that’s still in the works ha ha ha we won’t discuss that at the moment) and be the best in what I prioritize- now that is cheer and friendships and school.
I am still a go-getter because newsflash I am still persistent and low-key stubborn like if I want something I will MAKE it happen!!!
I am still (maybe) relatable (I hope otherwise I am writing to no one RN oops) because even though I’m not working on myself physically I am doing so emotionally which is just as important!!
So I am still the same Leigh at my core, but I’m expressing it so much differently. Which is kinda weird. Cause people still ask me the same questions like do you live in the gym do you just eat broccoli aren’t carbs bad OMG remember your crappy ex-boyfriend why do pink frosted sugar cookies make you emotional (A: didn’t you see my bunk bed upstairs by the stair master? Probably if by broccoli you mean chocolate. NO SIR. What’s his name again? & don’t they do that to us all?)
I’m finding new ways to occupy a lot of my time which is kinda great but also terrible. These include: books (specifically Bachelor tell-alls), boys (plural ew), Riverdale (no explanation needed), Rich Chigga (listen to him NOW if you have not wow), and spending too much money (old news). Also occasionally gymming (AKA not twice a day- like a normal once!!!!).
Well I am still the same girl who likes to post about her life and dumb things she does and learns. I like to ramble and be serious and be silly all in one. I like to be honest and real and truthful and authentic and unapologetically me (even if ya it is hard sometimes) and that is THE SAME Leigh that existed back in February when this all started. She just doesn’t live breathe eat sleep in the gym ya feel?? SO essentially I need to take a chill pill and remember I can still be me and live and not be oozing fitness. Maybe I just need to change my logo and get a lil’ more comfy with that- open to suggestions, fam!!
Tl;DR: My branding is Leigh Healey!!!! #SimplyMe y’all also totally gonna make that my hashtag now wow I got excited.
This is ramble-y but feels good to let out. I’m not just fitness. I’m just Leigh.
I didn’t post last week ‘cause I had the flu and I felt like butt and I tried so hard to get the words up on here but then I just kept looking at the screen like “whut” and the Nyquil wasn’t helping (which OMG I used it for the first time and that stuff KNOCKS YOU OUT lemme tell ya) and I was like I think my friends will understand if I miss a Monday posting because I don’t live by the whole “no excuses, no days off” kinda vibe anymore cause that’s kinda scary 24/7 I realized LOL
So now here I am hey hi hello coming atcha’ even though TBH I’m like *le ug* I don’t wanna be honest with myself or my reader friends here RN but strong Leigh knows she should so weak Leigh is like kk I’ll move out of the way now bai
This week imma tell you all about this new thang I’ve been doing this quarter which has been pretty heckin’ awesome and now I know why so many people recommend it: seeing a therapist.
It all started over the summer when I was in LA. Like I’ve mentioned in past blogs I started talking to my friend who had a lot of similar problems as me and she said the number one thing that helped her was seeing someone, and I should consider it when I returned to campus. I was like heck ya that sounds great I’ll do it I love bettering myself and this will totally help. I had told her this beforehand too but I had thought about it for the past year or so previously but I felt like didn’t like really neeeeed to go because nothing was actually wrong like I could fix any problem I had on my own, ya know? I had felt like going to someone else who wasn’t a friend meant something was like bad but like I realized then how silly that was. Why not recruit all the extra help if you can? A therapist is literally just talking to someone who helps you see into yourself just that extra lil’ bit better.
So in LA I looked at like a gajillion therapists online in the Evanston area that specialized in body dysmorphia and eating disorders and contacted all the ones that had my insurance and I was so proactive and it was great like I got a bunch of voicemails and it was so nice I was so excited like ya Leigh you got this you’re trying so hard!!!! It all went downhill though when I went to a consultation with the first like the second day I returned to campus mid-August and I like never un-vibed with someone so hard. Like it was so easy for me to open up to her because I could open up to a brick wall but I just felt like she didn’t understand me at all.. like she kept asking so many weird questions that made me feel like she understood nothing about my experience. So I went home and was so disappointed. I waited a few days and then was like OK don’t give up!! Follow up with another one. Which I did, but OMG the next was so sassy on the phone it just made me uncomfy and then I just gave up. At this point I had 4 unanswered texts and 3 unlistened-to voicemails and just kinda wallowed around all sad-like and was like “woe is me I tried so hard and the universe hates me clearly I’m just gonna suffer here forever” (which is like so not true I was just waiting for the world to pity me. Which it won’t. You can’t flounder when the supports are right there for you and you refuse to swim to them, yet expect the universe to bring them to you. I wasn’t doing anything. I gave up ompletely. You gotta be at least a little active & open.)
So like two weeks later at the end of August I was sitting in a meeting for athletics and cheer where we talk to the concussion people and other medical people and they bring in the people from CAPS to talk about sports psychology and therapists and dealing with our mental game on the mat and in life and how we could go about contacting them if we wanted to utilize those resources yada yada “we are here for you!!!”. Something kinda sparked in me like whoa I should do this. Leigh like this is the universe legit throwing the resources and the spark and the DO THIS and the support at your face like you don’t even have to try. So without thinking I texted the cheer trainer and was like yo set me up and she sent me an email telling me what to do and I’m gonna be honest I didn’t do it at first. I let the email sit in my inbox like Leigh this is too much work you shouldn’t have to do this. She should have set it up. Doesn’t she know this is hard? Then one day I remember I was sitting stretching on the gym mat like what the heck just do it if you don’t do it at a random time like now you never will. So in the middle of LA Fitness I called up CAPS and was like siiiign me uuupp!!!! And they did and AGAIN this presented challenges because I met with the lady who came to present to us and again I found it was not a good fit. But this time I forced myself to not give up when she asked if I wanted to speak another woman and ever since then life has been GOOD. I go every Wednesday and we talk about mainly my family life and my parents and sometimes about food and gym and recently even about boy problems LOL.
It was with her I realized that so many problems I thought were just food-related aaactually come from this idea that I have to be perfect and doing everything and stand out and follow this unattainable goal my mom set forth or me (out of love no doubt but truly unattainable perfection standards to reach i.e. being highly involved in sports- skating & cheer & volleyball, clubs- Chinese & Korean & government & prom & volunteering & cotillion, having a music background- I played violin for 11 years, getting a 4.0, having an “acceptable social life,” the list goes on but it all had to be to the arbitrary standards she set in her head and like IDK I can’t read her mind ya know so I just tried to do a lot of things proactively to be perfect and would try and try and try but learning from failure also wasn’t an option? I hope that all makes sense.)
So now I see I’m a high-key perfectionist. That’s why I flocked to all these weird diet fads like being a vegetarian my freshman year and then to bingeing and then to bodybuilding and then back to bingeing then back to bodybuilding and then “balance” and now whatever I’m doing. So like I’d do these perfect diets and when they weren’t perfect I’d fly off the deep end and only thrive on polar ends of the spectrum. The funny thing was my therapist pointed out to me was that I literally try to do EVERYTHING perfectly so even when I was finding “balance” in my diet I was hating myself for not being perfect at that too and again flew off the deep end- the irony.
Another thing she has helped me realize is that everything I do is centered around what other people think about me and I want to make sure I will be accepted and loved. And she helped me realize how similar me and my dad are. And how much my relationship with my mom has grown and patched up and truly blossomed and become like infinitely better. And how I actually don’t like have an obsession with fitness like I thought I did- I just thought it made me have a “thing” and was another thing to obsess over and be perfect at, but honestly I think fitness is like a medium-cool thing LOL. Balance is actually, I learned, messing up and forgiving yourself and then doing it all over again. And all of this comes with a lot of try which is why I didn’t really wanna put words down today because I haven’t been trying much the past few weeks.
I instagrammed about this on Saturday but I just haven’t really been trying to be a better Leigh recently which isn’t good for a lot of reasons but mainly it’s just me giving up on myself. I got kinda lazy and have been thinking OMG thinking about your problems and hard parts of life is hard Leigh so you shouldn’t do it and then I don’t and then life gets significantly HARDER. Why? Because those hard things will never go away. And ignoring them just makes them bigger beasts in the closet. If I actively acknowledge these things they become problems I can manage and work with and forgive myself about rather than problems that make me wanna castigate myself over for “succumbing to” when I know I am purposefully trying to forget that they are there. I can’t forget about the eating disorder and I can’t forget about the self-image problems or the family problems because then they get HARDER. I can manage the and they can not exist if I remind myself they do or once did. I have to remember things actively so they stay top-of-mind and easier to work with.
It’s similar to the whole thing I wrote about before about “accepting your flaws" in one of my posts, We have to accept what is hard or “wrong” or “bad” because TBH they aren’t any of those things they are just part of you and part of life.
If you’ve ever thought of seeing a therapist I know it’s hard (clearly^^), but I totally recommend it 11/10. You gotta be willing to try, but if you are it is so worth it. And CAPS isn’t one hundo terrible like the Northwestern community perpetuates. I’ve clearly had a lot of good things happen there this year: a lot of developments, breakthroughs, and developed understanding of myself better than ever before.
Embrace yourself and your struggles and you will no doubt come out on top. Life is hard and it will never stop being hard, so why try to ignore that? Embrace the facts and life becomes just that much more manageable and understandable. And real.
student. cheerleader. bodybuilder. bikini competitor. go-getter.